After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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