i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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