break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
well I can't set my house on fire every night
barbara walters just said penis...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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