You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
