Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
