i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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