Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
