i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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