the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you didnt know i had herpes?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
