I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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