I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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