even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
