i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
