And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize