if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
