i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
