we have officially lost it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
