Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
