dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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