Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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