How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm having to shit out rocks
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
