Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
