Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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