He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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