i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I want her autograph on my taint
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
