I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
