so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You pole danced in your parka.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
