you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
