please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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