I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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