So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
