you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
