Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
