i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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