Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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