Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
