Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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