I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
