What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
