I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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