Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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