You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
