yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
