So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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