let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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