I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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