She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
