yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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