I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
