I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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