just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
