Moan for me like Helen Keller
you would pick up someone in the library
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
