Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Four minutes until I can fart!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
