i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
