so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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