Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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