he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
