oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
