that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
