Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
