I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
