Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
