exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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