and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
